This is an update of an earlier muse. Seems appropriate for the spring!
I’ve discovered the magic word. It’s not abracadabra
and it’s not a secret. It’s not a mystery wrapped inside a symbol.
The long sought magic word – the utterance of which brings immediate reward to
the speaker – has been found. By me.
I’ll tell you exactly how I found it.
As I was driving to work one morning, one of those idiot motorists
clustered around me, lane-hopped near my rear bumper. The idiot then
challenged other drivers as he (maybe she, it was dark) then darted back into
my lane, inches from my front bumper. My ego first impulse was to let
loose a string of verbal (or at least mental) descriptions of the idiot’s
clearly errant consciousness. But I didn’t.
The driver was an “accident looking for victims.” This was a
time when I was practicing “complaint free” principles in my real-time daily
living. I was creating a habit to say
and think what I desired in every moment, and not what I disliked or
disapproved. Did I desire for the idiot to cause an accident? Of
course not. Therefore I thought and spoke to him/her what I genuinely
desired - “May you arrive safely at your destination.”
I thought that pretty good, and, sure enough, felt a bit of
relief. A few more consciousness-challenged motorists wandered into my
path, and I managed to send each along his way with the affirmation “May you
arrive safely at your destination.”
Yet there needed to be a closing, an “amen” conclusion, to
the thought lest I continue my attention on the behavior of the driver I’d
rather not encounter. Hey, I’m a slow learner, but even I understood that
attention given = attraction to.
Then flashed into my mind the magic word – the conclusion to
that moment which would free my thinking and attention, and make it available
for what I desired in my morning drive, rather than attract more idiots in my
experience. I appended the thought: “May you arrive safely at your
destination. Ashalli.” That was it. End of drama.
The lanes cleared and I drove happily on my way.
I repeated the affirmation and magic word every time I drove
and encountered idiots. It was evident, after a couple of days, that
there were less idiots on the road. Ashalli.
The question was, of course, if this magic word produce the
same effect off road? A few days later I picked up a couple of items at
the neighborhood grocery store when a patron with a cart full of stuff
beat me to the “10 Items or Less” express checkout.
What? You’ve never had such an experience? Ego impulse was to scowl at the offending person (I had a
flashback to the road idiots). But, determined to practice complaint
free, the thought was offered “may you move quickly with your tasks to your
desired end. Ashalli.”
The remarkably efficient clerk scanned the entire cart in
record time – and with a quick payment from the person. I liked this
magic word. Then the same clerk struggled with the bar code on one of my
items. I sensed the glare from the burly fellow in line behind me.
The laser scanner finally behaved and I was quickly beyond reach of what I
imagine were less-than-complaint-free invectives
from the fellow. Well, why not? I thought for him “may you have a
pleasant day. Ashalli.” I went on about my business.
I’ve used the magic word frequently and it works.
However, it works only as the conclusion to a thought desiring a positive
outcome for the person or situation. I say that because I desire to give
my conscious attention, as best I’m able, to what I would like. I’ve
heard that before – did someone say The Golden Rule?
Do I want others to complain and condemn my erroneous
moments? Or, do I desire that they treat me as I desire to treat
them? That’s Ashalli.
There is a difference between “Do unto others as you would
have them do unto you” and a variant that goes like “Do unto others as they would
have you do unto them.” These two approaches are 180 degrees apart.
“Do unto others as they would have you do unto
them.” It sounds okay on the surface. It smacks of consideration
and kindness. Yet it requires that you adjust your behavior and
interactions to please what others want from you. To do unto others as they wish accepts
the obligation to act according to their rules, which may or may not coincide
with your values and feelings. In effect, you focus on what others want
you to do (or be.) If they are satisfied, they may respond kindly. If they
are not satisfied, well, they’ll let you know, so you can try harder.
If you’ve ever spent time on that merry-go-round you know
that it can’t be done. You can never achieve joy this way. But you
can attempt to do so and work really hard to please others for five, ten,
fifteen, thirty, fifty years or more. It’ll never happen because you can
only treat others as you wish to be treated. Would your life be more
joyful and less entangled if you focused on treating everyone as you
wished to be treated?
That approach places creative power in your hands and you’re
no longer dependent on the good graces from pleasing others. It’s nice to
be loved and appreciated – but there’s a huge difference between Love and
Appreciation and conditional “love” and “appreciation.”
How do you reconcile demands to treat another in a way that
makes you feel badly? The bad feeling is your indication that you’ve got
the equation skewed. The best guide is to always treat others the way you
want to be treated and you are more likely to feel good. It’s not about
what other people do or don’t do. It’s what you truly desire for them –
as what you would desire for yourself.
The more I practiced the magic word the more relaxed many
daily tasks became. Then, one morning driving to work, another idiot zipped
around. At once I thought “May you arrive safely at your
destination. As Shall I.”
As Shall I.
It’s not magic. It’s what you want for yourself. May you
have a wonderful day. Ashalli.
